In my last blog, I wrote about how you can have a positive breakup and how you can move onto a new beginning in a good way (and even remain friends). But what about relationship burnout?

There’s always going to be a time when this doesn’t happen, and you might even feel that it’s hard to let go. It’s often after the most toxic relationships that we crash and burn, and recovery from this can be difficult. 

Relationship Burnout

Burnout isn’t just for work.  You can also experience burnout in other parts of your life – and relationships are only one of those areas.   It can be feeling things like you’ve lost your spark, or things are no longer fun.  Sure, a weekend away can recharge, but it doesn’t take long to get back into that feeling of being in a rut.  

The pettiness, the annoying things, the fighting – it all starts again, and things can deteriorate quickly.  Things don’t get better, and the toxic environment begins to take hold. 

Recognizing there’s a problem

There’s a few signs of relationship burnout you should be aware of:

  • Exhaustion on a physical and emotional level.  You know that your relationship needs some maintenance, but it’s draining you, and it’s a lot of effort. 
  • You are feeling detached or removed from the situation.  And usually, this also comes with the realization that your partner has quirks that annoy you.  Sometimes you begin to even think about whether the grass is greener … 
  • It all just gets too hard. It’s hard to be intimate, and you stop caring. You no longer see your partner as someone you look forward to spending time with, but rather as an annoyance. It’s also the time you might feel like it’s time to walk away.  

Recognize any of these situations? Don’t panic, take a breath, and realize this might not be signaling the end. Instead, let’s talk about some steps you can take before any rash decisions. 

Crisis doesn’t have to mean the end

It’s time to stop going through the motions and start assessing the situation.  Relationship burnout doesn’t always mean the end – it means you should take the time to see what can be done.  Does the problem lie in your workload or your family’s demands?  Is it stress-related? Here’s a simple checklist.

  1.  Take a breath and think about your mental health.  Are you depressed? Angry? Frustrated? What’s going on in your life or your family situation that could be contributing to this situation? You don’t need to blame yourself, but factor in what is influencing your life right now.


  2. Acknowledge there are problems.  Sit down, talk, and communicate what’s going on.  Use The Pathway To Peace exercise I talked about in my previous blog. Both sides of the story must be heard, and everyone can express their feelings openly. Avoiding this step can lead to escalations.


  3. Agree to a month of kindness.  (Even a day can make a difference!)  It’s time to look at the things that they do that are right, their strengths and validate or thank them for these.  This can help create a calming environment, and also create a better space for whatever may come in the future.  Simple things like greeting your partner with a hug in the morning, or with gentle words.  Tell them what a fantastic parent they are, or that you’re proud of them.


  4. Give warm and genuine compliments, and let them know you are grateful for the time they’re dedicating to the relationship, and they are willing to give things a chance.  If you can’t think of something nice – look at them with gratitude and appreciation. 

It’s not a cure for what’s going on in your relationship. It is a way to assess the situation and talk about what’s going on.  This might be the only step you need to take, and if it is, that’s fantastic. 

Sometimes all it needs is to sit down and look from the outside in.  Sometimes though, other steps need to be taken, and a professional come in.


Getting Help.

First of all, if you’ve tried these tips and things haven’t changed, don’t take this as a fail and that your relationship is doomed.  Sometimes you need to call in a professional, and that’s where a good relationship coach can help

Together, we can work on all of the things I’ve talked about today and start your journey to self-discovery.   

This is all about you.  I’m here to help you rise from the ashes of that burnout and establish a positive relationship with yourself and everyone around you.  Let’s start on a path to a passionate relationship and peace.