Love And Sex Don’t Have To Be Complicated

Oct 21, 2020 | Soul Food

Hands up if you had to read “Great Expectations” in your high school classes?   (PS, if you haven’t, here’s a link to the cliff notes for it so you can be up to speed and nod your head wisely)

In a nutshell, one of the characters, Miss Haversham, was left at the altar by her fiancé and walked around a ruined mansion in her wedding dress.  She wore only one shoe, and left the wedding cake uneaten, with all the clocks stopped at twenty minutes to 9. 

So why on earth am I talking about 19th Century English literature?  Well, it’s because a lot like Miss Haversham, our relationships can be left sitting in that dark, old mansion wearing a fading wedding dress, and thinking of the times gone by. 

Relationship Expectations

 “Would it be weakness to return my love?” ― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations

 Love isn’t always about sex.  In a relationship, one of the most common problems I hear is that one or both partners feel like they are coming up short, they are just simply tired, feel guilty, and afraid the passion could be gone forever.

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When was the last time you stopped and looked into your partner’s eyes?

In this situation, my advice is to take a step back and look at the whole picture.  Sex is just one small part of a relationship! If you’ve lost that sexy spark, maybe it’s time to try some great little tricks to light(en) things up a bit. 

Go back to basics

Let’s go back to the basics and where it all started. Holding each other hands or a cuddle. Your skin is your biggest organ, and touch is great for getting your oxytocin levels rising.  Oxytocin is called the cuddle hormone for a reason, and it can make you feel good all day. 

Kiss

When was the last time you kissed without it being part of foreplay? From a simple peck on the lips to a passionate, Hollywood inspired kiss – you should be kissed, and kissed often!

 

The Art of Touch

Massage – also a great release for oxytocin levels!  Exchange a foot or shoulder massage with your love. Use your favorite essential oil blend for an extra dimension. My husband and I have a massage table which makes it even more relaxed for both. I personally love lavender, wild orange, and frankincense.

Random Acts of Kindness

I swear this one works a treat.  Do something nice for your partner! If they normally do the dishes or take out the trash, do it for them. If they love ice cream, come home with their favorite, not yours. If you know they hate doing administration offer to help. Nothing is sexier to me than seeing my guy filing my papers for me or organizing my google drive!

Get Physical Without Sex

Get physical together! I’m not talking about sex here though – but why not go for a walk, bike ride, try something new like rock climbing, or even take a massage course? If this isn’t fun for both of you find something that is. It’s important that you bond on a mental level, and spending time together doing something fun is important!

Listen to your body. 

If you’re not feeling the best, this can impact your relationship as well. Take the time to really discover what your body needs, watch your health, and see a doctor if things don’t seem right. 

Sleep close together. 

Big Spoon, Little Spoon, right?  Cuddle, fall asleep together, and enjoy the feeling of your partner’s arms even if it’s only for the first few minutes. 

Three Little Words

Say I love you. Say it often, and mean it.  

Sweet Words

Pay each other compliments. Tell them they’re beautiful, tell them they’re a fantastic cook, a great parent, or that they’re an amazing partner – just be honest and open.

Love Needs Effort 

It’s true.  Sometimes we begin to take what we have for granted, and that’s why things start to feel empty and deflated. It’s important that we still try to connect with each other on other levels, and that we don’t feel like sex is a duty or a chore.  When your relationship is going well, and you’re connected on a personal and spiritual level – that’s when your sex life is booming.  

If you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level, or you feel like you need to restart those intimacy fires, it’s a good thing to start with you. I’d love to connect with you and help you find new ways to spark intimacy in your relationship with, or without your partner!

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